Why You Feel Guilty Asking
One of the biggest roadblocks to people recruiting volunteers, or raising money is guilt. People are naturally feel guilty asking for things. We’re trained that asking for thing makes us look weak. It also makes us feel vulnerable.
We hate hearing the word no. Nobody really likes being told no. (But no can be a positive in the long run, better to get a quick no than to get strung out for weeks, months or years.) So we try to avoid being told no by simply not asking. Someone who hasn’t been asked is still a potential yes.
Of course, a person who hasn’t been asked will never say yes.
I realize fully that this block is far more emotional and primal than it is intellectual. So we have to find ways of getting around it – so that you can get on with the important work of matching up the important work you’re doing with the people who can help you do it.
Guilt is a perfectly healthy emotion. If you lacked guilt when you do bad things, or things you might regret, you’d be a sociopath. But you shouldn’t feel guilty asking people to do things you truly believe will benefit the community.
Don’t Ask Strangers
Everybody (with the possible exception of a few sadists) hates cold-calling. This is not to say that you should only be asking your close friends and family, but rather that you should work on making these people who are your potential donors and volunteers into your friends.
So the key is building relationships. There’s a great book that you can get on Amazon for next to nothing called, “Let’s Have Lunch Together.” It lays out how you can build the relationships that will make these asks much more comfortable and successful for you. You can read it in about an hour, and you’ll get so, so much out of it.
People give to people. They volunteer for people. Don’t forget that.
You’re Not Asking For You
So I was sitting a Rotary meeting the other day, and listening to the speaker. She was (and is), a very nice lady who’s trying to get funding for an extremely worthwhile project. After the meeting, we sat for a while, and went over the logistics of doing a capital campaign. We talked about identifying potential donors and about strategies for building the committee to make the asks.
But what seemed to strike the biggest chord with her was when I reminded her that she wasn’t actually asking for money for herself. I could see that a pretty big weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
If you’re a Committee Chair for a Cub Scout Pack, and you need to recruit a new Den Leader, you aren’t asking them to do program for you – but to put on great programs for children. And you’re asking them because you think they’d be good at it. So asking them is a compliment.
If you’re raising money for cancer research, it’s not money FOR YOU, but for research to save lives. As it turns out, people like to be asked to help with things like this. Now, they don’t like to be badgered, but if you run a good fundraising campaign, people will look forward to it. They want to hear the story of the good your organization is doing. I look forward to the Jimmy Fund Telethon every year. It feels good knowing that my donations help kids beat cancer and have productive lives.
Remember, you’re not asking for money so that you can get yourself a yacht. Don’t feel guilty asking for something that will make someone else’s life better. You’re asking for help for others who most likely wouldn’t be able to ask for themselves.
You’re Not Being Fair… To Them
With most volunteers I’ve ever met with, if I told them they couldn’t volunteer anymore, they’d be extremely upset with me. They get a lot out of volunteering. It makes them feel good. They enjoy it.
Sure, it many times causes them stress, and costs them both time and money. But they enjoy it.
Remember that you’re dealing with competent, rational adults who are capable of making their own decisions. You aren’t coercing them or threatening to volunteer. You’re presenting them an opportunity to do good in their community. They have the complete free will to accept or reject your proposal.
If they say no, this doesn’t make them bad people. As an old mentor of mine once said, “bless and release.” Move on to the next person on your list. It may frustrate you, but it doesn’t make them bad people. It just means that they may want to help their community in other ways.
Remember It’s a Win-Win
There’s a reason that people say yes to anything. They both think that they’re going to benefit from the exchange. We know from basic economics that if I buy a hat, that I value the hat more than I value the money I’m paying for the hat. The guy selling the hat values the money more than the hat. When I buy the hat from him, we both win.
The same is true in volunteering and fundraising.
If someone volunteers to help me, they volunteer the good that they’re doing with that time more than any other possible use of that time, or else they wouldn’t be doing it. This is their demonstrated preference. The donor who gives you money values the work that you’re doing more than any other possible use of that money, or they wouldn’t have given it to you.
Both sides win.
Now, if they say “no,” then we know that they value their time or money more in some other area than in your work. That’s fine. People have free will, and the right to do with their time and money what they please. So as long as people have the option to say no, then you have nothing to be feel guilty about.
Now, don’t feel guilty asking people to do good anymore.
And thank you for the good that you’re doing.